fat & sassy

I understand that my mom was trying to protect me but…

I can barely function out in the real world. I’m an adult. I should be able to find my way through the city, catch buses, taxis, ask for help when I’m lost or can’t seem to find something in a store. I would be able to do these things myself if it wasn’t for, one, social anxiety, and two enabling my dependency on her.

Even after mustering up the courage to face my social anxiety by going to the hospital, talking to a doctor through my tears and nervousness, and being prescribed pills for this issue, I still have many fears about being social and doing things for myself. Medication the only answer, there’s also cognitive behavioral therapy. Medication only makes it easier to do day to day task around people that I know and outside. I don’t get nervous going to stores, but I still have issues asking anybody there anything.

I’m 24 years old.

• never had a job. 
• or an interview
• don’t know how to go about getting one
• trying my hardest
• my hardest isn’t enough
• constantly badgered about getting one
• not given help
• just bullet points for no reason
• feel like a failure
• my only accomplishment is graduating high school
• need to go to college
• can’t because I fucked that up by not getting help sooner
• can’t get financial aid because I was denied the chance to build my GPA up to good standing
• regardless of mental issue, I was denied, had to give out my info to complete strangers just for them to look at me like I was stupid as if this isn’t a real problem
• fuck that bitch
• need money
• I could go on…
• to be continued…